Sidewalks

I saw my breath this morning    from a shiver of an engine

in between sleep and consciousness       today I don’t need

any hospital socks to stay warm      my windows are not

barred    my door is not a fence    for you to be safe in   no

cops have been called to my antics     I am declared sane

to live         in this city    where over 40% of police killings

involve the mentally-ill those who lost the ability to control

desires urges to harm self and others          fear in uniform

shoots    blood splatters   onto sidewalks   a mother’s tears

heave the torn umbilical cords    the deep sigh of weapons

licensed to kill   and sometimes 60% of myself condemns

the other 40          memories    tree trunks graffitied    carved

initials    skin branded      ropes hang from branches      belts

sway to an old tune    of a drunken father who whipped the

shit out of his boys          who later molested his grandchild

a hard lesson to learn resiliency push through the cement

to not be labeled insane from this    to not be so wounded

to believe the world is against you   you   against the world